


Cody’s Fucking Birthday

by Miraculousstars, o________o (Miraculousstars)



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Birthday, Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Marriage, Quarantine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23452543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miraculousstars/pseuds/Miraculousstars, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miraculousstars/pseuds/o________o
Summary: Crack fic for these two, written for Cody’s birthday April 1st :)Ok so this is like a crack fic now heh
Relationships: Alejandro Burromuerto/Heather, Cody Anderson/Noah
Comments: 11
Kudos: 36





	1. BirthDie

It was another normalish day outside on the Playa. 

Ok, who am I kidding, that place is NEVER normal! Some crazy shit always has to happen - like bitch I ain’t got time for that! 

All these losers spending their time doing losery stuff, which they don’t even have fun doing. Hello, why be a loser when you can suck my dick? And for the record, it is NOT as small as Noah (that prick) made it out to be. I have a healthy 3 inches, mind you. My mom said that’s perfectly normal. Ever heard of growers, not showers? Yeah, my dick looks small, but looks can be deceiving you know. Whenever I get hard (aka think of Gwen in an emu costume) it grows to 40 inches. I even had trouble hiding it on the show. I know it sounds impossible, but so does the idea that I can get anyone to love me. Yet here we are.

“Cody, are you talking to yourself again?”

Noah (that prick also known as my boyfriend) randomly walked up to me out of nowhere.

“Y’know, if we were in the street, and I was a girl, and there were police around, you’d get arrested.”

“What, for telling you to stop sobbing over your small wiener?”

“NO, for talking to me in the first place!”

“Whatever you say honey.”

And then he opened the book he randomly got out of his big ass pockets. 

“Noah, why are you reading Alice in Wonderland?”

“It’s not  my fault I have a thing for the white rabbit. The way he’s always checking the time is sexy.”

Well, if he was in the mood…

I put on my best sultry voice:

“How about you ditch the book and we go somewhere more…  _ private  _ together?”

“Cody, you sound like a cheese grater.”

It was worth a shot.

•••••

Remember how I said in World Tour that my parents forgot my birthday? It turns out that everyone else forgot it this year too. Maybe because I’m considered ‘irrelevant’ by most of the fandom.

“Cody, shut up. You’re a fucking fan favorite, everyone loves you along with Noah, Courtney, Duncan and I. And stop making us look bad, we all remember your birthday. How couldn’t we, when it’s on April Fools?” Oh that’s right, me and Heather became friends after being on the same team. We vibe pretty hard together-

“Actually, we’re only friends for the clout we get. No hard feelings tho.”

Then Alejandro popped his head in the doorway.

“And he definitely doesn’t deserve you. You’re far too elegant for him, mi amor.”

In two quick strides with his bowlegs, he crossed the poolside to get to his beloved before scooping her up and carrying her bridal style.

“Noah, can you carry me like that?”

“The best I’m ever going to do is give you a piggyback ride. And drop you flat on your face after 30 seconds. So no.”

As he turned back to his book, Izzy popped out of nowhere. 

“You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys”

she sang.

“What? The? Fuck? Izzy, I  _ do  _ like boys. I’m dating one, hello?”

“Cody, Noah is more of a femboy, and therefore,  **he doesn’t count** .”

God why is everyone in this? It’s not my fault that I like to narrate my life out loud! It’s normal, I  know everyone does that.

“No they don’t Cody, you’re just special. And Izzy, if you want proof I’m a boy, meet me in my room at midnight tonight.”

“Sure thing Noah! I’ll bring my shitty Polaroid too! You never know when you need black mail prints…”

“What was that?”

“Nothing! Adios, putas!”

Then she hopped on a random vine, probably swinging to Ezekiel’s room. Who knows what he does in there?

“He wanks, duh.”

“Noah, how come you’re letting Izzy see your dick before me?”

“If you wanna see my dick, you’ve got to make an appointment with my manager.”

“And who might that be?”

Noah pointed behind me, I turned around and then BAM! He was gone.

Typical.

  
  


•••••

I feel like I’ve been scammed. After coming on this show, my life has just gotten worse. Total Drama Island was full of my worst moments, and I acted super creepy to Gwen (but I don’t blame 16 year old me). Then there was TDA, which I didn’t even make it on. Though thank god, because it had B e t h in it. And she  _ won _ . I will never forgive her for fucking kissing me in the cheek. Imagine if she got me on the lips-

Needless to say, I hate Beth.

Then there’s also how I had Gwen’s bra, still fresh from when she gave it to me. I sniff it every night for good luck (not that Noah needs to know.)

Skip to World Tour, or as I like to call it, ww3. It technically was a fucking war, with Chris as a modern day Hitler and the contestants as innocent people who had to battle it out for a stupid pile of cash around the fucking planet. We didn’t even visit a whole bunch of other places, that’s how little the show's budget was.

I also embarrassed myself a lot. Not many people remember, but y’know how I crashed into the Statue’s boobs in New York? Straight after that, as soon as the episode ended, my cousin called me (I know we weren’t allowed phones, but it was easy for me to get what I wanted for small favours), and she asked me how it felt to smack Lady Bigtitties right in her melons. I reported it felt ‘hard and cold, but a magical experience nonetheless.’

Best orgasm I’d ever had. 

So when s4 rolled around, and I was told I had to be on it, I was fucking pissed. I was absolutely raging, another season of torture? Really??? I was ready to bounce off the walls of the spaceship we were forced in before boarding the yacht. Thankfully, it passed the island. As soon as Chris announced we were hasbeens, the ‘contestants’ started screaming about how we deserved to be on the show, ‘not those stupid wannabes!’

I was fucking glad, as it meant I could  _ finally  _ go home. However, we still had to make cameos, meaning we had to stay on our old friend, Playa de Losers. I didn’t care, as long as it wasn’t me that had to go. And that’s where we are now, unfortunately. I hope the newbies have fun roughing it on the island.

  
  


•••••

  
  


It was 7pm, but people were STILL in the pool! Who  _ does  _ that? Wait, nevermind, I shouldn’t have asked. Nobody seemed to care about it getting darker and darker outside. Though I guess that’s because of spring getting near. And with spring, comes a joke, i.e. me. Hehe. 

Anyways, I basically spent the day hiding from Sierra, who refused to accept the facts that 1. I don’t like her that way, and 2. That I was bisexual, and had a boyfriend. She seemed to think that because I liked both guys and girls, I could have a girlfriend AND a boyfriend. But that still wouldn’t work out, because she doesn’t like Noah (surprise, surprise) and I don’t like sharing my dick. My dick is an exclusive item, for one person only.

Currently, that person was going around inviting people to his room at midnight.

“I take it you’ll be coming?”

“I won’t miss it!” Replied Tyler.

“We’ll bring the cake!” Shrieked Katie and Sadie.

“Will there be any green jelly?”

“No.” Noah assured a nervous Courtney.

“Then I’ll come.”

Duncan piped up, “I can’t wait to see the look on his face when we-”

“Guys keep it down! He’s  _ right there _ -”

“Hey guyyyyyyyyyys! Noah can I come to your room too?”

Noah turned to face me super slowly, like he was in a badly written fanfiction or something.

He had those aviators he wore in the red carpet reunion special, and a clipboard in his hands. 

“Uh, sorry Cody, but you can’t.”

I stood there with my arms crossed. “And why is that?”

“Noah’s cheeks turned a unique shade of red as he started to speak. “You can’t come because-“

“It’s a bad bitch party, you cannot get in!” Duncan silenced the whole Playa with that single line. If it wasn’t directed at me, I would say how awesome that was and how I think Duncan should receive a gemmie for that impression. He literally sounded like he belonged in the song, with fake nails and a colourful wig and a Louis Vuitton bag-

Anyways, after that embarrassing scene, I fucked off. If Noah wants to show a bunch of strangers his dick, but  _ not his own boyfriend _ , then I’d be happy to welcome him. Even though I. Am. His boyfriend.

Dammit maybe I’m not as fine with it as I thought.

  
  


•••••

  
  


Ok so midnight is here. And I’m up in my room, by myself. Because no one would hang with me. Cuz they’re too busy staring at Noah’s dick, which I bet they didn’t even schedule an appointment for! Life is so unfair sometimes…

Geez am I thirsty or wHAt? I keep talking about my bf’s schlong. Am I obsessed? Should I get help? Should I get a psychiatrist? A therapist? An optician??? Because clearly I can’t see that he can do whatever he wants with it. Including showing a bunch of people apart from his boyfriend. That’s fine right? Completely normal. Not weird at all.

I NEEDED TO SEE ITTTTTTT!!!!!

Kill me now. It’s that time of month again for me huh? Chillax, I’m not on my period or anything. Just in heat.

I need to get to his room somehow.

  
  


•••••

  
  


This isn’t what I had in mind.

I originally wanted to just eavesdrop, y’know, listening to whatever was happening. But I put my ear up against the door, and it didn’t tell me anything! The door is supposed to tell you everything that’s happening over yonder, but this door was being a stubborn bitch. It stayed closed, and didn’t tell me shit. Fuck you, door.

So then I decided to do what people in spy movies do, come up with an elaborate plan, and scale the building from the outside. On my way up, I passed by Ezekiel, who unsurprisingly wasn’t invited to Noah’s orgy either. Yeah we could’ve hung out together, but there’s a reason my boyf skipped him. He was happily stroking his length, and when I got closer to his window, he turned and  _ waved _ at me.

I’ve never wanted to cry more.

I had to go faster, because his shaft was blinding me. It was bright red from all the abuse he puts on it daily! I was about to be sick-

Aaaand I threw up off the side. Thanks Zeke.

I was close to Noah’s window, just arm’s length away from the latch, when suddenly, NOAH APPEARED AND YANKED ME INSIDE HIS ROOM!

Fast forward to where I am now, on the floor surrounded by a circle of teenagers. The room was dark so I couldn’t see anyone’s faces, or more importantly-

I’m pretty sure you fuckers know what I mean.

“Cody, why were you climbing the building?” Sierra enquired.

“Isn’t it obvious dipshit? He’s jealous of you guys.” Even though it was pitch black, I just know that Noah folded his arms. We’re telepathic like that.

“No we’re not Cody, you just know me too well. And I know you’re just dying to see my cock-”

“TMI! TMFUCKING I!!” Everyone screamed as if the apocalypse had started, there were zombies outside, and Satan himself was rising where I was sitting. It’s painful to have 19 people screaming at you from every direction, 360°. So painful that my eardrums burst. 

“HOLY SHIT CODY WE GOTTA GET YOU TO HOSPITAL FUCK!” Noah scooped me up and fucking ran, telling me sweet nothings.

Not that I could hear them, with fucking blood coming out of my earholes. Anywho, we reached the hospital within 0.0000009 seconds, because Noah can apparently fly. Seriously, he sprouted wings and a beak and everything that bird humans should have. The nurses picked me up and proceeded to throw me at a distance of 2.7 miles into a bed unit, which I landed in safely surprisingly. 

That’s all I remember before I fell unconscious. When I woke up, Noah was there at my side, smiling at me. What a fucktard. How could he be smiling right now??

“I’m smiling becauseeeeee,” then he reached behind him, and pulled out a cake, “ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY!”

I took one look at the cake, his party hat, the streamers around the room, the rest of the cast entering out of nowhere, and the cake again.

“I hate vanilla.”

Then I promptly passed out.

  
  



	2. Quarantine season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why

Another fucking day at the playa. This place gets boring after a while. Though, you never know when some random shit will pop up and scare you fucking shitless. Like right now.

“BOO!”

“SCIDIKBGJNKTMCKKF!!”

Cody screamed some voodoo shit (don’t ask me how) as Izzy just scared the shizzle out of him.

“Izzy! What was that bullshit for?!!”

“Cody I didn’t know you could scream like that! You sounded like a high pitched humpback whale!”

“I did n o t.”

“Did too!”

“Agh fuck this.”

Cody started to walk away.

“Cody where are you goinggggg?”

“Social distancing, remember? You can keep your coronavirus to yourself.”

Noah ran in.

“Sorry I’m late, I was the man behind the slaughter.”

“I’m stuff-” Cody started, “wait, WHAT?”

Funky music started playing. Smexy.

“Let’s go back into quarantine together.” Noah proposed. No, he didn’t get on one fucking knee and present a ring, he just proposed an idea. Smh, silly reader. 

“K.”

The two went back to their room, basically ignoring everyone.

When they got into their room, they started,,,,,,, removing??? Clothes.

One by one they shed their garments. The floor was littered with them.

“Hey Cody, do you have any lube?”

“Yuh huh!”

He pointed to the top drawer in his nightstand.

“Aw yeah, it’s about to be one heck of a porno.”

“Porno? Wait Noah are you filming this?”

“.........Maybe.”

“Send it to me before you put it on pornhub.”

“You got it baby boy.”

Cody blushed at the nickname.

Noah’s face was in between Cody’s legs, about to lick the fuck out of this ice cream, about to eat the fuck out of that pie, when-

“Hey campers! I’m warning you, do NOT have any sex without me! I repeat, no sex on this playa without me! If you ignore me right now, you’re getting live-streamed and I’m gonna make a fuck ton of cash from this! You’ll both become my bitches. So, make your choice!”

Why the fUcK did Chris want gay sex with two underage boys?

Simple.

He’s lonely.

“fInE MCLean, you fucking win. We won’t fuck at all. Happy?”

Noah pulled the most sarcastic bitch face he's ever pulled.

“Ya see that Chef? That’s how to negotiate.”

“Ya see that Chris?”

Chef pointed to a bill in his hand.

“That’s how much you owe me.”

Chris’s eyes bugged out of his head.

“And that’s just for today.” Chef continued.

Chris died (RIP. Sike! U thought! That bitch isn’t resting in peace any time soon. He’s out there probably ‘negotiating’ with Satan rn)

•••••

  
  


Why do humans exist.

2020 is undoubtedly the worst year in history. We had the coronavirus, the Pentagon releasing footage of UFOs, the alien invasion of late May-

Needless to say, 2020 is screwing with everyone and everything. Two bad we can’t just screw each other’s brains out now, cuz of ‘social distancing’. Plus all that hand washing is gonna leave us with stumps where our hands should be. 

The real losers are the ones who went ‘oH my gosh, you guys, 2020 is SO gonna be MY year!!1!1!!1!11’

Those people jinxed everything, now there's no going back. 

I say we burn them at the stake.

Noah and Cody, however, would rather let themselves burn instead if it meant they could have have kinky dark sex.

They just had to find a way to get it.

Will this turn into a noco crack x smut fic? Who knows? (It won’t.)

After looking for many places to go hide and do the dirty, they couldn’t find anywhere that would hide Cody’s super loud screaming that he did whenever Noah pegged him HaRD. 

“Hey guys, have you seen the new Dramarama episode yet?”

“Nope, Cody, you?”

“Nopppppppp”

“What the fuck”

Ezekiel just spoke into the air. He hadn’t expected anyone to actually  _ respond _ to him. 

Total Dramarama was the new show the network put up after basically click baiting the entire fandom for TWO YEARSS!!!

We really thought we were gonna get a new season!!

I guess that’s!! Not!! Happening!! Why? Because they’re making some lame excuse that the ‘target audience’ has grown up and moved on from the show!! Look me in the eyes and TELL me that excuse isn’t 47474747000% pure bullshit!

AnyWayS, the main cast got replaced with robot babies that looked exactly like them. There wasn’t one of Heather because they didn’t know how to fit her in. Her mean personality is too tough for you to handle, huh Fresh?

But the old cast took the opportunity to make fun of each new episode. Noah and Cody in particular were so mad that they weren’t getting their gay representation on the show. Sure, they were only four year olds, but at least make them fucking?!?? Friends!!!????

And then there’s the fans. Goddamn, the f a n s.

Half of them don’t even know about the real show! They see the babies and then when they see the actual show, they think TD is a spin-off of TDR!!? That’s a fucking travesty of justice! Imagine finding TD only after watching TDR. You’re basically ruined the whole experience for yourself lmao.

Why are Dramarama fans shipping four year olds? I can’t understand. Duncney was cute in their TEENAGE years! Not as freaking TODDLERS! Also what the fuck is up with shipping Cody and Jude?? Noco is the MVP! The OG! THE GOAT!!! The original ship!!! Literally the first ship to be canon! 

“You tell ‘em sister!” Noah said. Yes, I can make my fave character cheer for me because this is a fanfic.

Noco technically happened wayyyy before Duncney or Gwent ever did! Also please don’t be all like ‘one kiss doesn’t prove anything!’ Because it wasn’t just the kiss. They had some seriously questionable moments. 

Back to my fanfic.

“Now that that’s over with, let’s go see it!”

For some reason, Zeke is actually excited to see this bull crap?

Noco followed along with him, and they reached the living room full of teens (they’re still teens because 1. I say so 2. They’re vampires. How else do Noah and Owen look 16 in Ridonculous Race when they’re supposed to be 19?).

“hey assholes.”

Everyone ignored Noah in favour of watching what was on screen. Rude.

“What’s happening?” Cody asked.

“Gwen just kissed Jude.” Harold helpfully explained.

“It wasn’t even me! And it was just on the cheek! They’re four year olds!” 

“Technically it wouldn’t count anyways, since they’re all robots.”

“Will you two shut it?” Heather exclaimed, her somewhat beady eyes pointed at Harold and Gwen. “We are  _ trying  _ to watch something here!”

“You of all people are actually interested in this crap?” Noah asked with an incredulous look on his face.

“It’s more interesting than what you and Cody do all day. Lemme guess, makeout?” The queen bee rolled her eyes.

“Oh noooo, they do WAY more than that, right guys? I have the videos to prove it!”

“Izzy you watched us have sex??!!!!?11!!1!” Cody screamed in his extremely girly voice. 

“Aw yeah, it was definitely something to see! The noises you two made were hilarious!”

“Who was top?” Everyone looked at Gwen. “What? This shit is interesting.”

Izzy laughed and rolled her eyes. “Silly Gwen. Noah was top, duh!”

“Ok I think we’re done here. Let’s go Cody-”

“Where are you guys going? Off to go find a nice, warm spot to  **_fuck_ ** ?” Duncan wiggles his eyebrow like a fucking vibrator was on his face. Idk, I’m running out of descriptions.

“ _ Actually,  _ we're going to watch a horror movie. You pussies can stay here and watch Total Dramarama, the shittiest show in existence for all I care.”

And with that, Noco left the pussies in the sitting room to go watch a super _duper_ **scary** movie with his bf. Who he didn’t ask for consent from. I thought consent was like tea, if someone doesn’t want tea you can’t just force them to drink it. And some people don’t like tea at all, some people can’t get enough and they turn into tea sluts and milk whores, and _some_ people want some later but not now, depending on their mood.

Reader, I suggest you go watch the tea consent video in yt as soon as you’re done with this fic.

Noah didn’t ask for Cody’s consent to watch any scary movies, so Cody screamed for help - I mean, screamed because he was watching a woman eat her kids alive with a knife and fork. 

“At least she has manners.” Noah drily commented.

Just then, the z-man appeared outta nowhere. We really should put some bells on that guy (along with a cat fursuit, kinky). 

“Zeke why tf are you here,,,?” Noah rolled his eyes.

Zeke was wearing a smexy maid costume :0 

Then he turned around and shouted behind him, “Guyssss, they’re not doing the do!”

A voice that sounded suspiciously like Courtney shouted back, “great, now they know we’re here! Thanks a lot Zeke!”

“It’s time to skedaddle, eh?”

As Zeke is a soft core Canadian, he pulled out a bottle of maple syrup and handed it to Noco. 

“Use it for the places where the sun don’t shine eh!” He whisper shouted with a wink.

“Zeke! We’re leaving! And I want my costume back!” Justin screamed. Ikr, who would’ve thunk that it was Justin who liked to dress up as a slutty maid? I always knew that guy was gay.

“I’m coming!”

In retrospect, that sounds a lot like “I’m cumming.” Zeke x Justin anyone?

Anyways, the door closed and Noah was left with the bottle of MS (NoT multiple sclerosis, Maple Syrup) in his hand.

“Well scary movie night was a bust, and we have nothing else to do…”

Noah turned to Cody with a Lenny face. Seriously, his face somehow turned into a discord emoticon.

Cosy WASNT having it.

“G’night partner.” He dived under the covers faster than Usain Bolt at the 2016 Rio De Janeiro Olympics (we’re gonna miss the perfect 2020 Tokyo Olympics. T-T).

Wtf Noah now has a sad puppy dog face wtf

“fInE. You can finger me tomorrow.” Aaaaand the perv face was back. 

Please don’t expect me to write about that :( I wasn’t there

Im probably gonna update this again soon lol

for every Kudo you give me, the chances of ya getting a new season (with noco in it) rise by 10%


	3. Marriage...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitch we’re back at this bullshit again. Why do I do this to myself? It’s Codys POV again btw and everyone can hear him talk to himself.
> 
> I’m so sorry for not posting, I actually wrote this ages ago :/

It was another super hecka unfun day at this stupid beach that we call a ‘Playa’ just to sound exotic. Why do we try so hard.

I was bored again so I wrote a letter for a cat. I asked Chris a bunch of times before if I could could get one but he said that ‘any requests had to be written down in note form’ or write your list to Santa for those of you who didn’t go to school. 

Honestly how much longer are we gonna stay here? Wait why am I asking that-

I know the truth. Our parents sold us into slavery. We’re physically Chris’s bitches now. Forced to create drama for a seemingly never ending show that actually ended years ago, but we all pretend TDRR didn’t happen. 

“He’s at it again. I really think Cody should see a therapist, his time with Sierra really fucked his shit up.” 

“I can hear you Heather. And I told you, It’s normal to talk to yourself. I have to let everyone out there know what we’re going through-”

“The only thing you’re going through is psychosis.” Then Heather turned around to her Latino lover and gave him a passionate kiss.

On the balls.

“Fuck off Cody!”

I could’ve sworn Alejandro had a thing for Tyler at some point. 

“Uh- I like girls!!1111!!!”

Sure you do Tyler.

  
  


•••••

  
  
  


It’s pride month now. Yknow what that means? It’s time for mass amounts of kinky sex between me and Noah and Chris can’t do shit about it. If he tries, I’m gonna make some of his older tweets resurface.  **#ChrisMcCleanisoverparty**

Mark my words I’ll get him cancelled.

If we can cancel Dojacat within a day, then I can cancel a host who got replaced by a himbo within 2 hours.

“You called?” Ah yes my smexy bf is here. Cue the smut montage that I won’t describe to you.

“You have got to get over this speaking to yourself problem.”

“At least I'm not a narcissist!”

“Yeah, but how can I be a narcissist if you love me more?”

“Bitch I don’t love you. We ain’t married!”

“K Cody l. See ya later. Have fun eating rocket pops while spying on Gwen fucking Trent to satisfy your bisexual voyeur needs by yourself.”

“Wait I’ll let you do that thing!”

“What thing?”

“Yknow... THAT thing. With my mouth.”

“Me. You. My room. Midnight.”

“And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you score yourself a world renowned Blowjob!”

“Izzy WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS MY FANFIC!”

“Your fanfic? I’m the one writing it!”

“.-.”

“Anyways I swung by-”

“Yeah, literally.” Noah looked at his nails. 

“Cody wtf. You make me sound gayer than I actually am.”

“That’s a lie and you know it.”

“.....”

“To say congrats!” Izzy continued.

“On what exactly?” 

“On you and Cody's marriage! It’s happening this afternoon, you gotta be there! Besides you guys can’t get married if you’re not even there!”

“Ok I’m out.”

Noah just left. What the fuck. 

“Izzy, what the fuck.”

“I know right! Sierra planned it!”

“SIERRA??”

“Yuh huh! She said it was about time you two got hitched! You’re always sneaking off to your room even though you’re not supposed to share a room together lmao. Anyways, see you later!”

Izzy swung away again. 

Why is Sierra getting involved??? What the fuck? A marriage? 

And more importantly, I’m not wearing a dress.

  
  


•••••

Ok so I’m wearing a dress.

Noah refused to and I couldn’t find a second tuxedo. This is pure bullshit. 

“Eeee!! CoDY! You look sooooooo cute in that dress!” 

Why does Sierra care so much? Oh wait…

*Vietnam war style World tour Flashbacks*

Right.

“I’m just glad I’m not the girl.” 

“Easy for you to say Noah! You’re gayer than I am, I’m bi!”

“Me being gay has nothing to do with wearing girls clothes. That’s a stereotype. Are you stereotyping Cody?”

Suddenly everyone was giving me the evil stinkeye-

“Shut up Cody, we’re not!”

Ah Heather, always one to contradict the truth.

“Do your parents know about this crap?”

“Duh! They tried to put me away in an ‘institution’ when I was younger but the hospital paid them to keep me away from there! Isn’t that awesome?”

“Whatever rocks your boat.”

“And whatever makes your Niagara Falls flow, mi amor. Probably my rocket sized canoe.”

Alejandro appeared out of nowhere and started smothering Heather’s neck with kisses-turned-hickies.

“We’re finishing this shit later Cody.”

“As if-”

They were already gone, dammnit.

And I’m still wearing this shitty dress-

“Shut UP CodY!1!1!1!!!”

Someone get me out of here, I’m getting bullied.

  
  


•••••

  
  


Aight, so it’s the afternoon. I won’t specify what time it is because it goes against my values. (Actually I never learnt how to read a clock… I live off digital ones).

Sierra fully forced me into the sitting room, along with literally everyone else. For fucks sake, even Chris and Chef (Chref) were there. This is starting to feel eerily like my birthday…

***Flashback***

_ It was 7pm, but people were STILL in the pool! Who does that? Wait, nevermind, I shouldn’t have asked. Nobody seemed to care about it getting darker and darker outside. Though I guess that’s because of spring getting near. And with spring, comes a joke, i.e. me. Hehe.  _

_ Anyways, I basically spent the day hiding from Sierra, who refused to accept the facts that 1. I don’t like her that way, and 2. That I was bisexual, and had a boyfriend. She seemed to think that because I liked both guys and girls, I could have a girlfriend AND a boyfriend. But that still wouldn’t work out, because she doesn’t like Noah (surprise, surprise) and I don’t like sharing my dick. My dick is an exclusive item, for one person only. _

***Flashback over***

Those were good times, weren’t they.

Sierra STILL doesn’t get how I have a bf. She’s as crazy as Izzy, but at least Izzy isn’t obsessed with me.

“Nope, just your relationship!”

“What?”

“Writing noco fanfiction actually makes me a lot of money! So many people are into you two, especially the smut-”

“Moving on… how is nobody commenting on this???!! I literally just had a flashback.”

“Oh, so THATS what it was. We thought you OD’ed or something; you were foaming at the mouth. I would’ve preferred that tbh.” 

Heather why do you hate me so.

“I don’t, I told you we’re friends! You’re just a different breed of human.”

“..... so like. A catboy?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of a zombie but sure!”

“Epic.”

Within seconds I started sprouting furry appendages from my head and… my ass??? Oh wait no just my tailbone. 

“Ok I didn’t think this would actually happen so uh… sayonara.” Heather passed out, probably from seeing the awesomeness of my new neko self.

“This is so totally awesome!” Everyone in the room was staring wide eyed at me.

Noah chose that perfect moment to walk in.

“So like are we still doing this? I know I’m an hour late, sorry not sorry. Hey why’s everyone so quiet- holy shit.”

Everything happened in slowmo. Noah’s face lit up red, more red than I’d ever seen him in my entire life span.

Then he started getting closer to me…

And closer…

And c l o s e r…

And then he started rubbing my hair? And I started purring. Everyone in the room yeeted themselves out because they… honestly idk. They hardly need a reason to, I mean, I’m a neko now.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh Noah? Why are you rubbing my hair?”

He shushed me. Epic. 

Hoe Lee Fuck.

“Hoe Lee Fuck!” Noah fully GrAbBeD my ass! 

“Shh Cody, don't be shocked. We all knew you were a bottom anyways.”

“It’s true, we read the fanfi- GOSH YOU GUYS!!1!!1!1” Harold screamed as the suddenly revived Heather dug her elbow into his precious ribcage, Duncan kicked his ass (literally) and Courtney dragged him away. 

“Soooooooooo… what do we do now?”

“My place or yours?”

“We all live together-”

“K lets go.”

Noah dragged me to his room oh shit. He can’t know that I’m a sparkling new virgin. Jk jk do you remember that time when Alejandro invited me to first class with him? Yeah, he fed me more than just candy ;) (DONT TELL NOAH.)

Anyways, it’s safe to say that I know what role I would have in any kind of sex (role play or otherwise). 

  
  


•••••

  
  


Damn. I would love to say that I had the most mind blowing horizontal tango I’ve ever had in my life, especially because it’s TD week. However that would NOT be true. We can’t do shit. Wanna know why? Well, it allllll started with Izzy.

Noah and I stumbled our way into his room, kissing and grabbing at each other (his fingers were scratching behind my ears, and my hands were under his shirt, twisting his nipples ;)). But when we entered the room…

Izzy was sitting on the bed…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two coming soon ;)  
> Please post comments! They light up my day :)

**Author's Note:**

> I might continue if anyone wants me to :P


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